Apereal Luistro

2011-09-24T03:04:00.000+08:00

hmm, i think i'll start to revive this blog. its been a while. life has been crazy.

Burn the night away

2009-11-02T14:02:00.002+08:00

Okay, bridging has finally started. Bummer. Two more weeks of school and torture.

(sigh)

I wanna watch a movie. Someone owes me a movie. Yay, M18! So bored right now I might even ~~jump off the window~~.
This stinks. I'm really scared of getting a callback. My mom wants it. Well, I want it. But why at this time?
I doubt I could make it. I don't want to leave my buddies behind.

But what if I do? It'll be a huge leap for me and I'll be leaving this country for good perhaps. Well, I can't deny the plans He has for me.
And if M___k goes, all the better. (pat and lex should know who he is). hehe. He could be my prom date. not! He'll most probably be scheduled for NS by that time. Ahh, no future. We only met for a day anyway, but (giggles) so cute!
Oh, speaking of prom, I finally bought my dress! Lexy, Ben and pat saww it alreadaye. Need to get it altered but still I labb it! (:

besides all that, I'm okay. Coping. Struggling. Still enduring. But I'll pull through...para sa yo. ♥

My Love problem

2009-10-27T15:45:00.004+08:00

I try to make myself believe
that Planet Earth is turning slowly.

I never knew that falling in love could be so difficult.

And here I am pondering about how great of a man he is and Why am I still pondering?
I just can't seem to find an excuse to keep my mind off .... abcdefghijklmnopqrstuvwxyz ...

Sometimes,I just can't really handle all the drama that my life has to offer. I'm already close to giving in but I know that only proves how weak I am when I'm crazy in love.
I know things. He knows things. We both know things yet I'm still afraid, paranoid more likely, of what the future holds. Well,no one can blame me. I'm sure everyone is afraid of the future. But we still yearn for it, we still look for ways to figure out what our future holds. At times, I have to admit, I actually believe horoscopes, those optimistic ones of course, because I just want the assurance that tomorrow will really be something to look forward to.

Or I'll buy new shoes so that I'll have something new to wear the next day. Well,Thats a good thing.

Yet we still can't escape from it, from the reality of it. How I wish I could predict the future but of course, if the future is really worth finding out, I'd rather suffer the consequence of it and learn from experience.

I believe that things just don't happen because its by fate or by circumstance but because we choose to make them happen. We all have the power to make decisions for ourselves. Its only what we decide that helps us predict the future.

But how can we predict love? I miss it ...or him maybe.

embarrassing moment!

2009-10-14T17:29:00.000+08:00

Waiting on the world to change

2009-10-14T16:58:00.005+08:00

"It's time for us to make a move
cause we are asking one another to change."

I dropped by Joshua's place yesterday to finish up the camp schedule. We had quality best-friend time. He bragged about his guitar skills and true, I got impressed. I also got to see Jobo and his superduper curly hair. so adorable!

Everybody's getting a job right now. Heard all my friends are but I can't yet.
I just can't believe that I cant get one. It so bloody unfair. I want to get money and earn it. People don't just get money for free, they earn it. Part-time is all about experience... and ~~money~~.

Okay, I just got inspired yesterday. I've learnt to love the way a person is supposed to be loved. Not to hold back onto anything or to owe that person anything. We should learn to love freely and learn to let go of the things that are hindering us from loving one another.
There are still so many things we have to experience and learn so instead of worrying about today, we should look forward to tomorrow. We should learn to grow maturely as a person and learn from the things that we've experienced from.

We should learn all to be happy cause everyone deserves to be. I think thats what our purpose in life is: Learning to be happy.

watch this

2009-10-09T21:18:00.004+08:00

~~Nadiah cried over this scene.~~
this made me realise that there are actually guys who can sing and play piano at the same time. No,I'm kidding. I just really fell in love with his beautiful voice.
It feels like forever since I've heard such a voice like that. Hmm.

anyway,I'm bored. Nothing to do. Nothing to think about. Mindless soul. Inanimate person. Practically dead. (inserts vulgar)
I loathe that person. I want to ...(woah, deja vu) ...smash his large egoistic head into tiny little pieces and scatter them all over africa. Im just so infuriated by him. ahh,whatever. This the first time I'm mentioning him in my blog i think.
It just drives me insane thinking about the fact that I'm keeping all of these emotions inside.

you know what? I'll just leave this matter aside. I'll remain happy cause I finally am happy.

FAME!

2009-10-08T16:49:00.005+08:00

Ahh, I just can't help but upload more of him. He is my dream boy.
-hot
-wonderful brown hair
-beautiful eyes
-sweet
- the most mesmerizing voice you'll ever hear.

But he is 21. Ahh, who cares about age difference. Its the twenty-first century! Heehee. (:
Just watched Fame straight after my last paper. thanks to Patreek and Dee. Yes people, N levels are finally over. Time to party,dance,sing and sleep.
two weeks of holiday. two weeks of fun. two weeks of freedom. two weeks of searching for the perfect prom dress. I've got my schedule planned out. So excited!
Next week: 5oo days of summer with dee!

dreamboat

2009-10-08T16:43:00.003+08:00

YES! THIS IS MY SOULMATE!
Asher Book everybody.

When it all falls down.

2009-09-30T10:33:00.004+08:00

Ah, I've been so busy lately I've rarely got time to check my face for pimples let alone blog. The laptop is off my hands. Can use it no more. I was like " What?! I can't check nadiah's tumblr anymore!" - oh, but we still have partty's iPhone. (:

Updates. Updates. Updates.
1) Rachel and I got shortlisted for seventeen superstylin. Hurrayez. I was so hyped up about it. I get to be model! Well, not yet but yes, I will get to be. Have to lose weight. I'm getting flabby. Obesity, ew!

2) preparations for youth camp is going well ... I guess. Just finished the video yesterday. I was totally rushing. Time was against me but overall the production was good. I'm so proud of it. Martin was like " gets me motivated to join.... Again."
once again, kudos to Patrick for his help. Number one recruit. Rofl. We had macs yesterday and hell of a time at pat's crib. And we climbed this really 'steep' hill. Eck, embarrassing moment.

Anyways, heard that the seventeen magazine thingy was happening the same day as CFC Pa. Tough luck. I cant make it for the announcments and the release of the camp video. I pray it works though. Josh is gonna be there giving out flyers and everything. Disappointing I couldn't be there to support but everything happens for a reason anyway.

4) n levels are next week. Everyone was like studies are your priority now. Of course I know that. I've been sleeping with my chemistry textbook for the past week. Mmm,scandal! Art is a drag as well. I've been struggling with my prep studies. One and a half more plates to go.

5) patrick's chalet. -yes,it's finally over. It was delirious. Typical seventeen party with drinks and everything. I enjoyed. Oh, and I found out that a charcoal is one big molecule. Go figure man. Too bad Nad had to leave early, she missed out on the cake-cutting. She looked gorgeous btw. Great make-up skills woman. And Patrick is finally 17. Lubb ya buddy.

It's crazy. I've been finding it difficult to handle my time between studies and all the upcoming activities. It's exciting but nerve-cracking at th same time. One more week to endure and freedom! Wish me luck.

overcoming the odds.

2009-09-04T18:51:00.002+08:00

"Time has come
to stand for all we believe in."

I'm getting really furious. How could she not allow me? How could she say NO?

This is evidently not fair. seriously. I don't know what to say. Why doesn't she support my decisions?
I know she has the right to obliterate me off my freedom but is she really that self-seeking that she could just simply
throw my dignity to choose away? Is that even possible?

I know that its just as fair that I follow my parents and obey them and yadayada but I can't help it. I really want to do this.
I feel that this is the only way I could actually feel that my faith isn't as inanimate as it seems right now. I want to feel as close to HIM as I was before. The guilt is unbearable to begin with, I can't even compensate with the fact that I don't pray as much as I do before and actually give my heart to it. I miss that feeling so badly. I miss the fact that I am willing to give my all to HIM because right now, I realise that I'm just living by nothing, no reason at all. Its just really absurd. I don't know.
HE has given me so much and even more than what I bargain for but recently, I've just been isolating myself from him. Not even appreciating the smallest of blessings HE has given me.

I'm out of words and I'm still seeking for a way to get back to God's arms again. I feel so lost.

I've been selected to organise a camp in my catholic youth community and I was so totally overjoyed.This has finally been my moment to serve whole heartedly. Aside from that, I've been associated with my best friend as my partner. Even better.
Seems like everything is falling into place ...
However,the greatest challenge that I have to face right now is to seek the approval of my parents.
I think they're kind of like in the 50/50 standard. yes or no. yes or no. yes or no. My mom especially.

Ah, it's just as frustrating because I could not find a reason to why she would reject my offer to serve.

submission

2009-09-03T21:31:00.005+08:00

okay, my prelims are out except for art of course because GG doesn't want to give out the marks. (sulky face)

Results:

English: B3
Maths: C5
Phy/Chem: C5
Humanties: F9 (%$@#)
Art: ??
Literature: B4

so now, I need an A2 in my EMB3 to get a position in sec 5 and I doubt I can make that for art. I dint even annotate my prep studies. Well, its prelims only anyway and my report book is arriving tomorrow. I fear my mom's reaction if she sees my results. Total disappointment, April. noo. nightmare.
'N' Levels are next week.- All the best y'all.

foreign language.

2009-09-03T20:25:00.003+08:00

Just save me please?
I can no longer move from this impenetrable state I'm in. I'm weary and tired and I have no idea which path to follow anymore. I can't seem to find a meaning to all of this. I desperately want somebody to knock me on the head and tell me that what I'm thinking about right now is just plain stupid and that I don't need anyone in my life to feel love.

This is getting out of hand. Am I that selfish? Selfish to my friends? I feel that way so.
They have used up so much of their energy, willpower and time to ensure that I will run faster or at least move on from memories while I'm just strapped here to my chair listening to music at full blast and refusing to budge.
I think I'm just really stubborn. But no worries, despite all my insecurities and whatever, I know that I'm moving. At least I am. But just taking each step as slowly as possible, just a tiny baby step. Its a good start. I'm sure with a little more push I can make it to the finishing line.

I was on the phone with someone yesterday and I was telling that person how much I can't wait to get out of Singapore. Singapore is a wonderful country no doubt but its getting rather dull. The place I mean. I'm itching to try out new places, experience new things and most importantly, to get away from my problems here in Singapore.
I can't imagine what life would be like in the States but I know that if I mix with people of good influencial taste, I can live happy.
"And I'm leaving on a jet plane, I dont when I'll be back again. Oh babe, I hate to go... hmm.."

put my arms in fragile hands.

2009-09-03T20:19:00.003+08:00

You are not alone

2009-09-03T19:33:00.003+08:00

Michael Jackson: “In a world filled with hate, we must still dare to hope. In a world filled with anger, we must still dare to comfort. In a world filled with despair, we must still dare to dream. And in a world filled with distrust, we must still dare to believe.”

this wasn't easy when I asked you believe me.

2009-09-01T12:25:00.002+08:00

"Cause I've seen love die,
way too many times when it deserved to be alive"

I just felt this sudden outburst of happiness. Somehow I thought my life was intact. I thought that everything was finally falling into place. But that just wasn't what I was expecting. The inadvertent disclosure of sensitive information. No, I shouldn't be running away from my raw emotions.

I shouldn't feel neutral or stagnant or whatever. I should at least be feeling something. At least something. It doesnt matter whether the intensity of the situation has led us to separate directions but I shouldn't be apathetic towards it. Perhaps I was just too used to the fact that I always feel like I miss you when all of a sudden, it just stops. It scares me that I'm feeling this way. I'm not used to it.

But come to think of it, no it didnt permanently fade away. The feeling was still there. I couldn't get rid of it. Now, when music is heard did everything I ever missed came running back. When I close my eyes, I could still remember.
I'm sorry, I just couldn't get rid of it. I just have to control it. Control missing you. I suck cause I cling onto the past and I live with the 'what could have been'.

Nevertheless, I won't break that promise. I'll remain unaffected without missing you too much.

today is september first

2009-09-01T11:38:00.005+08:00

I think its coming down to less than 10 days to my N levels. My performance towards my prelim exams were really disappointing. Although I passed, it was just one of those borderline passes. I'm really weak with physics. Those subjects that include numbers preferably. No, I fear that I can't be able to get promoted to secondary 5. I want to take O levels.

I musn't get distracted anymore.
I'm only left with 10 days or so. revision April, revision! I just can't live with the fact that I'm only maintaining grades that are below 60 because I know that I can do better. Anyone can do better. I just need to incorporate my time into a daily timetable. It can be time-straining but I'm sure I can handle it, with a little discipline of course. I just get a little lazy at times or maybe most of the time. I always depended on a little push from my friends and teachers.

Ahh yes, Happy Teacher's Day to all teachers. Especially for Miss Ng, Miss ~~crazy~~ Chua aka the living dead and Miss Marina. ♥
So Miss chua just called inviting me over to eat dinner later at Boat Quay. Hello, its boat quay people. Drink included perhaps. But no, I have this gut-feeling that my mom will disapprove. I've been arriving home late for the past week and I rarely stay at home. This stinks.
Another public holiday down. frustration.

Do you notice I'm gone.

2009-09-01T11:30:00.001+08:00

the littlest things.

2009-09-01T11:22:00.002+08:00

And ok, my brother is mad at me cause he blamed me for losing his guitar pick.

Leave a note for you, my only one.

2009-08-31T21:33:00.002+08:00

Honestly I've been begging for answers,
that you and only you can give to me.

The feeling was sublime. I was in the moment, the world stops and all that I felt was just you and me staring eye to eye.
Nothing else mattered. It just summed up to that night, that very night.
I was in over my head, not thinking rationally and listening to my heart rather than to my mind. Like my emotions were screaming at me, uncontrollably. I just wanted to fade away. I knew it was wrong yet it was so right. But I was thinking to much, acting too much.
It was just like in my dreams. One that I refused to wake up from. But of course, I had to eventually. I just had to.

However, now, I feel so ashamed, so distraught. I feel like I couldnt face you at all. After what I've put you through. It wasn't much but I knew I placed you in such a difficult position. I wasn't my usual self, I was a different person. A burden.
It didnt matter to me what people would classify us in but I knew I just wanted you. I was weak and vulnerable to my feelings. I just let my emotions flow without having to reconsider. It is not within my competence to make such decisions.
Despite all the trauma, I knew I was inevitably happy. I couldnt replace it for the world. I couldnt replace moments like these for anything even watching the second set of Anberlin because I knew it would only happen once in a while that fate would allow you and me to partake in such an evening as that. All that I could do is just treasure it and let it go eventually. (but honestly, I dont want to let it go)

together we stand.

2009-08-31T21:15:00.002+08:00

And for the other half, time check: 1700 hrs. Today.

You did nothing wrong. I was unaffected. whatever happened was just for pure fun. I was at fault, I was impulsive again. But no, I did not regret. You and I both know that. We live in the same world but we have different aspects of life and of love. I'll always be here no matter what. And I hope that it took your mind off her as well cause you shouldnt even be doubting her friendship with you in the first place. Subway was fun. Thanks for the treat. I'm just going to sleep it off. Smile cause you deserve it pare. You totally do.

you're not alone, so just keep waiting.

Time will only tell.

2009-08-31T20:30:00.003+08:00

can't sleep.

2009-08-29T01:51:00.003+08:00

" But I'm just one chapter in yours. There'll be more. I promise. So here it comes, the big one. Don't be afraid to fall in love again. Watch out for that signal, when life as you know it ends."

-P.S I LOVE YOU

♥

2009-08-28T23:47:00.002+08:00

Monica: You wanted it to be a surprise.
Chandler: Oh my God.
Monica: Chandler, in all my life I never thought I would be so lucky as to fall in love with my best, my best...
[crying]
Monica: There's a reason why girls don't do this.
Chandler: Okay, okay I'll do it. I thought, wait I can do this, I thought that it mattered what I said or where I said it. Then I realized the only thing that matters is that you, that you make me happier than I ever thought I could be and if you let me I will spend the rest of my life trying to make you feel the same way. Monica, will you marry me?
Monica: Yes.

I'm not the perfect person.

2009-08-28T20:20:00.002+08:00

"It's sad when people you know become people you knew,when you can walk right past someone like they were never a big
part of your life. how you used to be able to talk for hours and now you can barely even look at them"

I'm itching to get out of Singapore.
It just bugs me why I'm such a slow thinker and that I only realise things after they have happened.
But I can't do anything about it now, it already happened.
I think it was worth meeting up. I mean we really needed the talk. It has really gotten out of hand. I just can't believe that after all these years, we would sum up to this.Well, whats done cannot be undone.
Not everyone is perfect anyway. This just goes to show that there are people in this world that you can get along with and there
are some people in this world that you just can't.
Its just as upsetting when the both of you just can't 'click' the way you used to be. Its just this unfathomable feeling of apathy you
get when you meet each other. 'Sif you just don't really want to be there but you have nothing against it.
Perhaps I'm the one to blame too, for those moments when I'm not there for you.
I'm just as remorseful as it is.

gossip girl

2009-08-28T20:14:00.005+08:00

I had carbonara for dinner

2009-08-27T22:22:00.003+08:00

Today is a supercalifragalisticexpialidocious day. We had only one paper and we were done. Good riddance chemistry.
Hung-out with P and N at Esplanade today to finish art prep but mine was just 20% done. Hopeless. I'm never gonna finish on time.

Then I went over to M's house. Its his birthday today.
"Happy birthday Miguel." once again for the umpteenth time.

and oh, I finally get to see his home sweet home. Its a cosy place with a large mirror right staring right in front of me.
The house looks really happy and peaceful. Plus his family is really welcoming. Aww.
But sadly, I couldnt stay for long cause its a school night and I have prelims tomorrow. I hate school nights.
Nevertheless,despite my fatigue-ness,I still had fun. The carbonara was delicious and I saw Khariz and Lexy again.
I miss them both so much.

do you want me to?

2009-08-27T21:52:00.006+08:00

"I'm weak, its true cause I'm afraid to know the answer."

my issues.

2009-08-26T19:30:00.004+08:00

" A best friend is someone who loves you when
you forget to love yourself."

I'm not trying to emphasize the fact that you actually bother me so much but I just cant stand you and your whatever attitude.
I know youve hated me from the start. You have messed up my self esteem and every now and then, l feel that you
are still evidently better than me,prettier than me and more cooler than me. I could never live up to your standards I know but
just the sight of you just makes me feel all angry inside. Perhaps you still bear grudges against me or secretly hate me, I have
no idea but could you just leave me at peace!
I'm sorry for being so sensitive but I just couldnt resist the fact that I'm so disturbed by your so-called cool factor. I'm
not saying that I'm cooler than you or whatever but its just really distracting. We both live in two totally different worlds.
I don't really understand you or this friendship we share at all. Wait, are we even still friends?

During those days, I've put up with your sarcasm ways towards me. I've pushed all my negative emotions aside. I'm not sure
why I'm so pissed right now but I just couldnt hold it anymore. True, we've argued, misunderstood each other before and settled
every problem we have of each other but right now, I just wish that I'm more superior than you. I just wish you would apologise
for once. Is the word 'sorry' so difficult to say? Due to your super-humongous sense of pride, you can't even admit your mistakes.
Could you just lower your pride for once? I'm putting my foot down once and for all. This is the final straw.

Thank you for being a friend, a great friend but I don't think its still right for us to continue this friendship or whats left of it. I'm just really sorry.

Only Pinoy music.

2009-08-25T19:55:00.002+08:00

Sa tuwing magkasama .Parang bale wala
Nagmumukhang hangin .Dumaang bale wala
Ni ayaw mo, hawakan aking kamay
Kulang na kulang ba. Hindi pa ba sapat
Inubos kong lahat ,Panahon ko sa yo
Anong gagawin ,Di mo pinapansin
Etong damdamin ,Aking paglalambing
Minsan ako'y nakahalata. Ika'y tulala
'lalim ang iniisip. Malayo ang tingin
Aking nalaman. Nabaling sa iba .Ang nilalaman ng yong damdamin
Buong magdamag nagisip kung baket. Paano nangyari ito sa akin
Ayaw mo na pala bat di mo sinabi
Nagsawa ka na...
Ano na

one-sided love affair.

2009-08-25T19:11:00.009+08:00

ahh, yes. I'm home. finally and right in front of the computer.

My beloved facebook is bloody screwed and I can't comment and whatever.
Fix yourself Facebook pleasepleaseplease?! argh.

I think I'm going to flunk my prelims seriously. I'm not coping well and my time- management thingy sucks.
I keep burning midnight oil and I fall asleep during my papers. My eyebags are getting worse and I cant seem to finish my essays.
I rarely have time to sleep. I rarely have time even for myself. I cant handle this seriously.
I really want to get promoted to sec 5.
I need a friend. I need you but at the same time I dont want you to be the one person that I need.
I need a break. from everything. I want to get out of here.
Whatever feelings that I'm bottling up is slowly consuming me from the inside. I just dont want to pour out my emotions anymore
because I'm so afraid, so afraid of how others might react. I just wish that I could resort to someone whom I can fully place my
trust on and give me advice without hurting my feelings.
But who?
Getting hurt is inevitable and I can't escape from that. I just wish these feelings, these angry feelings would just vanish in thin air.
I dont want to bear grudges on anyone and I want to stop this " I really miss you" feelings cause its totally worthless already. I just keep
hoping, hoping and hoping everyday when by the end of the day, it would only result into nothing.

I think I'm over this now and I know I will be okay. Goodbye past and hello future.
I just have to continue avoiding ....

Let me be your supernova

2009-08-24T20:34:00.008+08:00

tsk, I had three exams in one day. Maths, Lit and CLB. In total, 5 papers in one whole f---ing day. I'm beat.
But thank God I managed to find time, well a few minutes to blog. sweet!

Tomorrow :
History paper.
Physics paper

Patrick's house.

Hmm, starbucks is so tempting. Shoot, I'm broke. And my brother is currently jamming to ... what song is that? ....beside me.
I hate to admit this, I really do, but ~~he seems to be a better guitarist than me now.~~
Just because my guitar string snapped doesnt mean he needs to take the opportunity to learn as many songs as possible. whatever martin. (rolls eyes)
haha.

Okay,theres this dude I saw in Secret Recipe at T3 yesterday.
(patrick should know.) and boy is he, gorgeous.
well, he is my kind of guy. I mean he looks like my kind of guy. I think he's aussie or english maybe. more to aussie.
He has that mysterious vibe in him that makes you want to know him more and the more I stared, the more I got mesmerized.

He is the reason why I got distracted while studying. Yessum, I was studying at T3 while jamming to the tune of smile by uncle Kracker to which I got addicted to because of my sweetsweet kabit and ahh, he just,from out of the blue, sat down at this empty table in front of me. Directly in front of me. And while I was sitting comfortably in this red sofa-ish chair, I looked up and saw him ...daydreaming.
He had this diary/ notebook which he writes on. ..okay, I didnt know what the heck he was writing but I do know he is left handed.
Left handed I swear. Plus he wore this Volcom shirt and his hair was brown and unkempt but it was still so-very nice.
Patrick got agitated cause I kept staring at 'secret recipe guy' and not focusing on Miss Maudie Atkinson (literature).
But I can't help it. He is just too adorable and uhh, just makes you want to approach him and say HELLO, I WANT TO BE YOUR FRIEND.
Well, he looks way too old for me. Not that old. He might be eighteen, okay twenty-three the max.

P.S I am not a stalker, he only happened to sit in front of me okayokayokay and it was just for that day and that day only.

so sing along.

2009-08-22T10:06:00.004+08:00

yes, Blogger is back to normal. (:

Yesterday, I was supposedly supposed to go for night study but instead chilled at Starbuck in NorthPoint with some of the most whackiest,nuttiest people in the entire earth-world and I'm one of em. I love you guys.
We took pictures with patty's laptop, laughed, sang along and just practically laughed again. it was super fun. First time I really had a laugh with them considering how awkward I felt when it was the first time I hung out with them.

Ok,nevermind.

Now, its the weekends again. I need to mug. Prelims are on Munday.
And I've been distracting myself with other stuff. Shit. Concentrate,woman, concentrate!
whatsit? Ahh, yes. Marthemartics.

Why am I still foolishly pondering about this again? Wait, Is it really worth my time and effort?

At the movies.

2009-08-19T22:52:00.001+08:00

Ahh,
I watched umm, what do you call this, Orphan yesterday with mama. NC16 flick. Woo, im legal.
anyways, its some bloody obscene flick and I think its worse than friday the 13th even tho that's M18. Well, the storyline was worse.
It's so sick man. Like seriously. But watch it. That orphaned child on the movie, that Esther girl is not who she seems to be. Ugh.
I was so close to puking. disgusting, gross and just simply ew.
But its just a typical thriller movie.
You know, the 'I came from a mental institute and now I'm out to murder innocent victims' kind of movie. Well, predictable too.
Like all happy endings, the villan died dramatically. the end.

ok, then today. this afternoon, I watched Anastasia and I cried when the movie ended. Bummer. Nad and Patty were there.
Its such a sweet and romantic tale and Dimitri is Hot. ( I can't believe I called a cartoon character that but what the heck. )
That movie was released in 1997. Could you believe that? And I was like 3? haha. I love romantic cartoons. ♥

Headed to night study afterwards and there was this big commotion. I dont want to emphasize on the details of what happened
but I was totally infuriated and I feel that it was so getting out of hand. I'm sorry but I just see it that way.

Yes, I think I need to lose weight. Look at my fat-ness.
Random confession : Nadiah burps while I dig my nose.

there's no one like you

2009-08-18T20:58:00.000+08:00

Who am I, that the Lord of all the earth
Would care to know my name
Would care to feel my hurt
Who am I, that the Bright and Morning Star
Would choose to light the way
For my ever wandering heart

Not because of who I am
But because of what You've done
Not because of what I've done
But because of who You are

I am a flower quickly fading
Here today and gone tomorrow
A wave tossed in the ocean
Vapor in the wind
Still You hear me when I'm calling
Lord, You catch me when I'm falling
And You've told me who I am
I am Yours, I am Yours

Who am I, that the eyes that see my sin
Would look on me with love and watch me rise again
Who am I, that the voice that calmed the sea
Would call out through the rain
And calm the storm in me

I'm not okay.

2009-08-18T20:33:00.001+08:00

Something is seriously wrong with my blog. But what the heck.

Why? why are made this way? why are we made so emotional, so attached, so doubtful, so filled with fear to accept?
Nadiah has been going thru some tough times lately and so have I. It just fucking sucks that we have to live with this when they
have evidently reached the point where they can just live life without regret.

I called someone yesterday. We talked till wee hours in the morning.
And you know what? She made me wake up to reality. Finally.
I was stubborn and I guess I still am. Tears are still falling. fuck it.
Its only in my nature to be but I think I can change. If I only help myself. I just wish I could but its easier said than done.
what I heard from her ... I admit ... I was hurt. inevitably hurt. But I still want to thank her. thank her so much.
Because she reminded me of the truth. I've just come realise that I've been feeding myself with lies and more lies. She made me understand that everything is possible if you just believe. I'm really proud, proud to be called her friend, or her kabit. (:

I'm tired, exhausted and everything else. But I still have to force myself to wake up. I just hope that one day I will be able to embrace
the truth with open arms and just be OKAY about it.

Because to tell you the truth, I'm still not okay and I know alot of people can see that.

Goody, its prelims next week.

2009-08-16T09:56:00.006+08:00

Okay,I don't know who still visits my blog but yeah, its been weeks since I last blogged.
Bummer.

I was just so afraid that my folks might find out. God, I really am stupid. But I can stand it no more.
I JUST HAVE TO BLOG OKAY! -i'm sorry.

Just so happens that I'm utterly bored today so whatever. August gives me headaches. So many birthdays coming up
and I'm still planning on the gifts. Ahh, I'm scared it wont meet the deadline.
oh,what the heck anyway. I'm going nuts.

Look! my Physics textbook is lying on my bed. Oh wait, I was studying a minute ago.
studying ....right ...you are blogging you big baffoon. Prelims are less than a week and I'm still surfing the net. Theyre
prelims only. No hoohas about it.
Argh, who am I kidding. I wont ace it unless I study and burn midnight oil.

Yesterday was BBQ over Lexy's place and she got pushed into the pool by here brother while I got dragged along
inside with her. (I wish someone couldve taken pictures) .

Hey, Ive just realised. Today is a sunday.
why do I get distracted so easily? Ok,I hear voices in my head.

"oooh,look. Was that some yellow bird that just flew past? "

you are so problematic,april

2009-05-20T18:04:00.003+08:00

oh,do you know what W.W.J.D means? haha.
If you do,tag my board.

Okay,my results were not so baadd. I didnt get any A1's or A2's yet but so far I passed all my subbies with flying colours. Three cheers baybeh.^^
I still need to buck up though,still have yet to meet my expectations. Gah.
But who cares. party now,study later. Right. But I have had enough of Physics or Literature or whatever cause my is gonna EXPLODE! -crap.

Okay,I watched X-men origins again the other day with K and E and and Ate Iris. Enjoyed it. (:
But well,I was broke so someone treated me to the muviee tickets. Hehehe.
BIG THANK YOU
But my mom spoiled me freakin'mood afterwards. She practically scolded me over the phone. It was bloody embarrassing.Screw her man. She deprives me of
A LIFE.
especially when my dad is like overseas,she gets depressed I can tell. Then she starts focusing all her attention on me like some CCTV camera.
I can't stand it seriously. I feel like giving up. She is stripping me off my sanity. I'm going nuts because of her expectations for me. Its like I have to be miserable of her to feel satisfied. Well,doesn't she love me enough to allow me to be at least happy?

Sucker.
And fuck all you accusers.
You all have no freaking life but accuse innocent people. What have they done to you? Did they fuck your heads upside down or something? And you just assume and accuse them of being a --------. What would happen then huh? You are just spoiling their fucking reputation. Don't you have any dignity left in that rotten heart of yours? I don't even know you but you know me. Its totally unfair. I don't know what kind of freakshow you are accusing people who have lives while you just sit at home and watch porn in your computer until your eyes bleed. You are ruining people's lives especially mine. Your life is screwed,,stop screwing other people's lives.

You know who you are, Introduce yourself you big fuck.

I'm so bad but I just can't stand my name being on that website. Just get my name off that fucking website for good.
Please?

Gives you hell.

2009-05-13T13:21:00.003+08:00

Last week of exams. Yippeh! (:

okay,wait Ive got two papers left. Chemistry and Art.
I'm totally not mugging on chemistry but worried on my art. Balls.

ok,im so bored. Ive got no topic to post about. seriously.
My life is soo... monotonous.

Oh, wait. I got a new plug-in acoustic! Dad got it from me as a belated birthday gift. Aww. But Ive got no amps tho,sucker. I wanna practice like everyeveryday so that I'll get so good and I can finally play a song for you. (that is if you are reading my blog).
Watched x-men origins the other day. Great movie. Hugh Jackman is forever hot.

~~Sometimes,I kinda miss falling in love.~~

Argh,
I have had it about Singapore. I wish I could just migrate to some place peaceful and problem-free.
Everything here is so fucked-up man. I think I did badly for my Maths paper,might as well just flunk it. And everything is just so hectic that its cramming up my style. I can't seem to have time to relax anymore. I just stare out the window hoping my problems would fly away but I dont fucking think they will. They'll just permanently stay there and pile up everyday.
I'm just so tired,so tired of hoping tomorrow would get better. But no,its never gonna happen. I'll just have to accept for the umpteenth time that life seriously sucks.
I'm grateful for my friends though. Of course I'm grateful.
They'll always be there for you but the sole person who you want to be there for you isn't even fucking there. Just too busy with his own life,working and working and working. Far away like he lives in another country already. Just pisses me off.
Plus I feel like some living micro-organism.So invisible,so frail,so weak.I practically don't exist.
~~I might as well don't exist~~. I dont fit in anywhere. Like some alien creature.

I just cant wait to migrate and start over. Live my freaking life.

Midterm craze

2009-05-08T21:34:00.006+08:00

oh,finaly end of the week and I finally have time to blog.
My schedule has been hectic lately cause of skewl and everything. Its midterm week.

And I'm like struggling for revision. I dint get to complete my essays.
Mothar$#@!-ing balls. Exam week is stressing me out and N levels is like a few months awaay! Gosh. If this is stress, what more O levels next year?

Plus my parents are like presurising me to do well if not they might forbid me to attend ---,and that would suck. Thats why I'm putting all my effort in midterms even though I usually don't.

And my mom and I just argued. I dont know how one small issue can turn so serious. I dont wanna fill in the details but ...I'm so pissed and upset at the same time. Plus Mother's Day is coming soon.

Ridzuan's birthday was yesterday and he got bashed. Hawhaw. ^^
Happy belated Ridzuan.
Its like a tradition in our school to bash people with water and flour on their birthdays now. Bummer.
Next victim : NADIAH MANSOR

*Beware nadiah. (evil laughs)

Studied with Z yesterday yesterday yesterday at changi airportzz. Burger King cause Starbucks is like crammed with people. -___-
Reviewed Literature I think then we hung out at the viewing mall in Terminal 2.
He like intro-ed me to a few uber-cool bands and got me addicted to Katie Perry.
She has really BIGG EYES.

T'WAS FUN

Then the rest of the week was loaded with revisions and guitar.

Oh,went to the beach with E yesterday. It was like super warm but with a gentle breeze. ^^ Good enough,I dint grow dark though,thank God. Hawhaw.
Played Tonggits (is that how you spell it?) and he won both rounds. Bloody hell. I think I'm not good at strategising.
Then we just chilled by the rocks and talked about ---- blahblah yadayada ---
about Life. Rofl.
It was like super low tide and the waves were soft. The beach was like practically empty when we came. So unusually quiet. But I enjoyed hanging out with him. Well,i usually do.

Humm, I miss somebody.
Okay,I'm done.

Friday the 13th.

2009-04-26T11:31:00.008+08:00

Thursday, I snuck in the movie theatre at Ehub for an M18 flick with E,omg. so kewl.

yeah E, stupendous. -_- Rofl.
The movie was friggin' gross as in obscenely gross. Friday the 13th. It was more of like a porn flick than a thriller movie. E kept covering my eyes. Haha. I know its M18 man, shoulda watched 17 again. NO,just kidding. Kept grabbing his arm,I remember. ^^

Funnny.

anyhoos,CFC anniversary was yesterday in Yishun. And I was soo exhausted afterthat. Kayla,Elisha,Nerissa and I performed a chinese dance and I so totally screwed it. -_- Chun li. Heehee!

SCISSOR HANDZZZ.

And ate iris made this controversy that I was flying to US that night. Rofl. YEAHRIGHT ATE. noo,not yet. (:

I just saw this boyzone musicvid in MTV and omg,they are soo GAY. -_-

birthday-palooza

2009-04-26T10:43:00.005+08:00

Man,i can't believe I dint blog for the last few days. I was super packed and everything that I didn't even have time to like.. Blog. HAHA.

17th APRIL: MY PARTY!

This week was hectic ever since my birthday party.
Thank God my party was a success! except someone couldnt make it cause she got LOST -_- (I love you ate)
Zuhaili and friends made it to my party as well, omg. My mom was like ' are they malay? cause there is pork there.' Duh,mom,duh.

And im glad Jan and I resolved this stupid misunderstanding we had. (: before my party. Jan got so totally tipsy and Redd-ish.
tsktsk. I love you Jan! Ann and Sam were there too. Sweet couple. ♥

Anywhos,I was swetting like crazybabaloo that day and I had to beso-beso so many people. The food was g-g-great.

YFCEES were there too. They were like the largest group. Lmao. thanks for making it too my partaye even tho it was like a friday evening plus you guys live like at the other end of the world. -_-

22APRIL: MY REAL BIRTHDAY

Ohk,Patrick and Nadiah so totally planned this out man.

1) Jesslyn poured trillions and gazillions of teensyweensy greenbeans on my head and i had to sweep the classroom cause of the mess.
2) Nadiah and Rizkha smashed that black forest cake on my face and thus,I stink of blackforest cake. Ew-ness.
3) Olivia poured glitter at on me and i sparkled like a superrstar. 0_o
4) Nad and suf wanted to push me to this huge puddle of mudd but too bad, I jumped off. *SCREWED. rofl.

Grand-grand finale : after-school.

5) Nad blindfolded me and brought me to the school field and 8 people each with 2 'water-balloons' threw it to me and got so totally drenched. They hit damn hard. Almost everyone was staring.
6) Marck,Shauna,Sock chian,Olivia,Rizkha,Nabsie & Olivia threw flour all over me all the way to the front door of my house and I was totally unprepared.

Hoo-ha. I love Pat and Nad. ♥ Thanks for that wonderful -bashup altho you guys promised '16 stages of hell' , and hell, I only got 6! Yippeh-dee-doo-dah.
Chillled at my crib afterwards and watched twilight. Oli got kuku-ness. HeeHee! ^^

Went to caec straight afterthat to paint the banner.
Everyone greeted 'Happy birthday'. Aww. And M feels like a stufftoy when you hug him,just saying. its a good thing,haha,means you're huggable.

weird, ohkkk.
I had fun painting the banner and drawing kuya Edmar's huge S. -_- Lovely S, kuya.
everyone sang the happy birthday song and I was requested to sit in this chair in the middle of the circle with everyone surrounding me. I thot they were gonna bash me up or sth... but they all prayed over me one-by-one.
It was such a sweet gesture,felt like tearing up...seriously. Aww.

To sum it up, it was my best birthday everr.
(Im still hugging patrick's supeman hoodie.^^)

I love acoustic

2009-04-14T15:37:00.006+08:00

I'm a sucker for anything acoustic

I want, I want a hot,acoustic-playing,singing,tall,sweet boyfriend with wavy brownish hair. humm, yes. ♥
Oh,oh and with those mesmerising brown eyes. golly.

(stop dreaming april)

whudthahell,Patrick has ANGELS AND DEMONS by Dan Brown! Fook, I want that book! I wanna read it and I'm gonna search the whole library if I need to.

No way man.
so Unfair.

Oh yes, partaye is this FRIDAY. yeah baby.

I recently got addicted to john mayer, I think he is effin' cool and he has a really hot voice. I cant believe I didnt notice him earlier on. -.-

Why georgia -John mayer. I love it. I have his LIVE IN LA album. (bragging)

And I need to shop,shop,shop.

**Oh and i dont know what the hell happened to my tagboard so I'll just reply in my post. haha. sorry.

ANN- ahuh,haha. Yeah maybe I was a little harsh on my previous post about my mom. but it was like talk of the town man. People are still laughing about it. Cant believe I missed out on that. Cute.

ERNEST- hey, wow you read my blog. First yfc to tag my board in a very long while. all hail ernest. (kidding) Thanks for tagging dude. Tag more ha. hehe.

sudden realisation

2009-04-14T15:11:00.003+08:00

yes, dance SYF is today. homygosh,good luck daancers. (well,im not dancing anyway,so yeah,whatever)

HAHA.

And I totally saw those 'exclusive' pictures from ILC cebu and it makes me wanna cry. I still can't believe I missed out on that.
I'm still bummed I didnt go. damn, but ate iris managed to get me tees tho. BIG THANK YOU.

Man,I MUST go next year. Baguio,I heard. Better start saving.
Finally joined musicmin after 2 years of YFC. wow,I didnt know Musicmin was ...well,took in alot of effort. I mean I had to roughly learn 4-5-6 songs in a day. But it was worth it. I mean being able to play with the ministry and watching people ..well,singing along.. gives you a really great feeling.

(or I'm just exaggerating,I don't know. haha)

But I'm glad to be there.
I just realised that I've been pretty distant from...well,everything lately. I've been praying less and isolating myself sometimes in my own room. I'd just stare blankly nowhere and just ponder about NOTHING. I thought nothing would matter anymore,no one would matter anymore and nothing would help me.
I'm not sure why but I guess I was pretty consumed with my problems lately..emotionally.

But yfc made me realise that there are always people there for me,when or if I can't reach out to my parents. Of course there are my best friends and school friends and all. And most especially there is HIM ( technically not a special someone but a very special someone you can turn to whenever you are alone.)

FORGET AND FOCUS haha,it keeps staying in my head.

Well,now,I don't want to complain about whatever problems I have but perhaps be more grateful about each and everything I'm blessed with.

Everything happens for a reason ,always. Just Trust in HIM.

Wow,I really got inspired. alleluia.

speech day.

2009-04-10T10:52:00.003+08:00

Mans,

Speech day is finally over. Thank God.
It was that bad though. It rained pretty heavily and we got soo bloody delayed.
MR. ANDREW GOH -best speaker everrr. He is one hilarious guy. Out of all the past speech day events Ive gone to,he is the only speaker who never made me sleep, let alone the whole cohord there. He is just too good.

Lol. chairperson of...blabla....advisory...world vision yadayada...

And afterthat,about an hour or more of prize-giving. I practically slept on Nab's shoulder. It got soo boring. Fooking boring.
Oh,congratsz to Nad,Riz and Pat for their prizze and whatnot. WOOOH~

Dare to dream,dare to flyy...blabla.
I still had fun tho.

Anyways,I had to go visita iglesia (some fil-tradition you have to do when its nearing to Good Friday) and I had to rush over to OLPS church in Kembangan. My SWEEET-SWEEEET mother practically nagged over the phone telling to hurry up. (like i can teleport there). And I dint have my dinner. Bullocks. My stomach was practically empty.

But thank god,Patty had cash.. well,around 3 bucksz but thats enough. so I rushed for old chang kee. (hurraye)

While walking to OLPS, I did alittle bit of reminiscing. Like during simbang gabi when I went there with SOMEONE. K,nvm,,,sheeeshashasheeshasha.. *

Met up with fam,josh,Ann and Sam afterwards then rode buss.
OH,guess what. The moost happiest thing happened. wait,I think it was a sign. HAHA.
MY MOM BLOODY TRIPPED AFTER STEPPING OUT OF CHURCH.
Real embarrassing. she was like... Am i being punished? then ran off to dad to show pity. WHUDTHAHELL.
Couldve been there to laugh my head off. Yerr,she is soo being punished. Change your ways mom so you can go to heaven.

LALALA.

break free bitch!

2009-04-09T12:54:00.003+08:00

zomg! hallelujiah. i thot my blog is officially DEAD. but heck,i'm still posting.

its been a almost an effin' month since i last posted and god knows if people are STILL reading my blog. Yes,are you still reading my blog? bwahaha. wait,you are reading it now. (god i'm lame).

Oh,im feel so tired everyday and im not even doing anything vigorous. Mentally-tired maybe. MENTAL.
I'm craving for godiva frapp right now. (that is if i have the moneehh). KA-chings baby.
totally broke, forever broke. I'm never ever gonna be NOT broke.

Well,money issues in the household are pretty hectic right now. I overheard momma talking on the phone about some loan thing going on. wanna lend money or sth bleepbleepblopbloop* nope.
She is so losing out on cash. she might be broke too.
~~compulsive shopping disorder.~~

I wanna earn cash. I wanna work. Might be checking out subway. I like sandwiches and there pretty cute boys there too,well,depending on which subway you are working at. Hopefully it could help my mom with her money issues.

my blog is fooking boring,yes.

Hello,miracle please happen. PLEASE. PLEAAASSEE. I'm so totally crammed right now. I want to break free.
( i want to break,oh i want to brreeak free
I want to break free from the lies,your so
self-satisfied na-na-na... blablayadayada) -out of tune.

nevershoutnever

2009-02-20T21:55:00.005+08:00

Wow,within a span of one week,I felt like I accomplished alot.
Especially school,I like totally devoted my time to school.I've got no life anymore,no purpose to enjoy life. Not because I'm deprived of love but because its a crucial year for me as its 'N" Level year. God,its 'N' level year. I'm so not,never-ever going to ITE.

Plus I got assigned to alot of stuff.

Class tee-shirt finally! And I'm proud to say I designed it.Ohk,partly designed it.Well,mostly did I think.
I designed the backboard too! And i did I mighty great job I must say.
(head swelling).
oh,kudos to NADIAH and PATRICK as well.

Humms,I just hadda science common test today and the Physics Test was like bloody unreasonable. Stupid Mr.Yap nincompoop. Grr. He set the paper and what the hell is he setting?! Im so flunking Physics. But chemistry was GOOOD.

AHEM. Kimiko dropped by PRCS today. And yeah we talked. Its been a while since I last seen him step on school grounds. wow,he looks bloody different. Mature I must say and um,different.Good kind-of-different of course. Yeah,we did a little catching up. I hope I could bump into him sooner again. Buddah was there too!

Perhaps its cause I didnt see him for quite sometime already.

ugh,I'm getting restless.I need to break free.I need to ~~kill somebody~~.
Can somebody order me sushi? i feel so detrimental and I don't know why.
It sucks.

*You might not realise it but I'm having major problems as well but I have no idea who to spill my problems to. I dont know what my friends think of me anymore. Nobody is fucking perfect. I'm just so sorry.

BAD hair-day

2009-02-16T19:10:00.006+08:00

Immat Ann's house now. God,hadda a super tiring day.
The sky seemed so hazy and stuff. why man why? Plus its so humid nowadays. Bloodyhell.
I come to school with a bad hair day. Irritating man. I wish I could like wear a cap.

I had common test just now. English. Pfft.
Plus two other tests. Maths and um,chemistry. Schools getting hectic,wait,its forever and ever and ever hectic.

Plus I had this secret admirer who gave me a little something for valentines. Sweet yeah,but screw valentines man. Aaah!

(pulls hair)

Can't believe I cried. Again and I was doing soo well.

Random-ising.

2009-02-12T16:44:00.003+08:00

Art is killing me.I dint expect it to be sow damn difficult.
Ohk,it takes up alot of imagination and creativity and hard work.I'm doing 'SHOPPING MALL'.
(Looks up in the sky)

I'm aiming for distinctions man. Gah.
First plate due tomrrow. Rush,rush,rushing.

Oh,I've gotten CHINESE B!!! Hurraye,hallelujiah,omg say hurraye with me.
But i still have to go to St Hilda's for lesson.Such a hassle.But at least I can doze off during chinese class.
And for those who are taking chinese but sucking at it, IN YOUR FACE! ha.
I'm Sec 4 this year and still successfully exempted to Chinese B.

(evil laughs)

DumDumDumDiDaDa. boredum.

Chris Brown got jailed for assaulting Rihanna. Serves you right RihannaHAHA.
My man so got you. Kidding. Poor chris B tho,has to suffer behind bars. Sad Sad man.I still support him though. Yes,I do.

Oh,Today I got ...

Yes,I got..

Omg,I got a....

omg!

I got a ....

NOTHING. -.-
Please lemme go for ILC man!

14 feburuary stinks

2009-02-11T16:15:00.002+08:00

whozup.

This week has been one hell of a week.
So many crazy stuff happened.As in BAD CRAZY,as in fucked up crazy.

I couldnt go to ILC and I freakin cried because of it. My mom wouldnt let me due to money issues and its so not fair.She claimed that it was too expensive.Is $500 that expensive? god. why man why?
why does God have to punish me with such evil parents? Why do they have to be unfair most of the time? Why cant they just friggin' let me go this once? I mean I'm independant and responsible enough to take care of myself there. They are so insecure of me. Maybe that was the reason.
She is so glad that I'm not going I bet.My mother is so unbelievable.

Bullshit.asshole.sucker.idiot. bleepbleepbloop.****

Valentines is a few days away and I'm just sitting here alone playing my guitar which totally stinks.
Love is just a pathetic hoax made by stores to sell cards on valentines day anyway. It gives people a false impression that their lives had meaning. Gah.
I just can't stand mushy-mushy sweet people giving cards and roses on v-day.I've had just about enough about Love.
Love.Love.Love.screw Love.

Hello. anybody there? Please save me from this catastrophe. Godammnit!

i miss the kiss that made me go oh-oh.

2009-02-04T20:38:00.005+08:00

I miss a whole lot of things.

I miss those moments where you used to hug me and never let me go.Those moments when we'd laugh for hours on end.Those moments when you'd serenade me and I'd get mesmerized by your oh-so-sweet voice.Those moments when you'd tell me you missed me,and I'd tell you i miss you too.

That moment when I leaned on your shoulder for the first time during that discovery camp.
OR
That youth camp when I realised that I Love You.

I really miss a whole lot of things.

Lets live free each day

2009-02-04T19:49:00.006+08:00

I think my heart just skipped a beat.

Human beings are such selfish people.We are all selfish.Sometimes we desire for something so badly that we tend to rush into the choices we make and when time comes,we eventually come to realise the consequences of it.

True? Thats what I realised anyway.

Maybe perhaps we just couldn't stay with our decisions because everyday is a new day.
We learn new things,we meet new people,we experience new things everyday.
Then by the end of the day, we'd look back and start contemplating on the day's events.But do we contemplate about tomorrow? No,we just live by the day.

Its just as upsetting cause we cant make choices based on what we desire most.

(Pause)

We will never know what tomorrow might bring anyway.I can change tomorrow,I can die tomorrow (touch wood),I can be a millionaire tomorrow (yeah right). But we don't know what God has planned for us,thats why hold on because there might be better things coming tomorrow.

Its torture when you think too much.

Its not enough that you have accepted me for who I am,you also have to accept me for what I'm not.

10 more days to Valentines,everyone is so looking forward to it. why?

Last Sunday.

2009-02-03T14:45:00.003+08:00

Since I'm gonna be skipping my cca once again,let me spend at least 1 hour of my life posting on this blog. Actually,I'm just killing time.

Let's see.
Oh,my mom came back from Phils and she over-excessed her baggage cause she brought too much souveniers.I'm pretty much glad to have her back tho.

Anyways,Last Sunday.

What happened last Sunday?

oh yes,that party.That party where I get introduced to new people who are about a year older than me.First time I tried Tiger Beer too.Not that I dont drink,I just havent tasted that before.Not bad.

He has like a really unique group of friends. Multi-racial and really hospitable too.I got bored at one moment though,maybe a little out of place.But I don't wanna be too much of a killjoy,so yeah.Just meddled with the guitar and played a game of Fifa on the PS3 with one of his buddies.

As usual,I lost. But overall,I had fun.
I was pretty shy to approach the ladies tho.Perhaps,I was a little too insecure of what they thought of me. k,nevermind. They're pretty and TALL. (god,they're tall).

and im like short and stubby.

But yeah,nice group of friends. Funny.

Stinkbomb

2009-01-27T21:06:00.004+08:00

Im at janelle's house,blogging.
Time check: 9.06 pm

my parents are away away away and im free free free.
I can go home late provided my mom doesnt find out. Like hopefully she wont.
Nevertheless,I cant abuse it.

I played volleyball just now. It was exhausting.
The beach was great. The weather was great and I had fun. I finally had time to relax and break free from society.

*random-ising.
I still cant learn how to ride a bike. (that was like supposed to be a secret).

okay. I'm still at Janelle's house and I just farted.Sam keeps.... Everyone is like taking random pictures of me. I look so FUGLY. tsk.

Jason Mraz

2009-01-22T18:32:00.003+08:00

ohmygosh. I just heard the worst news ever.

TICKETS TO JASON MRAZ'S CONCERT IS SOLD OUT!

What the motherf*ckin' balls ****** shitass **** freak.That is so totally not fair.I was so looking forward to his concert. Gosh.

State of dilemma.

2009-01-22T18:02:00.004+08:00

I've lost track of time that I have no clue on what's been going on with my life.

I'm pretty much in a dilemma right now.I'm totally confused.
Was it worth my time and effort? Was it worth giving my all? Millions of thots racing through my mind,its giving me a headache.

Is this meant to happen or is this just a test to find out if I've got what it takes to make this work.

I need answers.I need to chill.

Why did God make girls like us so sensitive? Why do we dwell on 'what ifs' and not be optimistic about the situation? Why can't we have the 'dont care' attitude that most guys have?

Well,God must have his reasons obviously.

I have a life to live anyway.I just despise people avoiding me.

I love that frappucino

2009-01-19T16:05:00.003+08:00

Anyway, I went to Lasalle and it was so ~~boring.~~ tsk,no it was pretty awesome.
We get freebies and the students there were so artistic that if you compare them to me, I'll be like some ant.

But dont worry, I'll get my turn one day.
Oh,and I got a free chocolate cream chip frappucino courtesy of Miguel de Jesus in Starbucks of course. It was the best frappu I have tasted... for now.

Haha,no im just kidding.

Well,things have been a little apart lately.Sometimes I just could not handle it.Schedules are always so packed that we rarely have time for each other.Plus once we reach home,we would just doze off instantly. Its difficult to tackle sometimes especially when I miss him so much. Its excruciating when I have to wait for only a few days just to see him again.
But its still worth it in the end. I should not desire too much considering that he is mine once again.

Its okay. I know things will get better eventually.

My First Confession

2009-01-19T15:01:00.003+08:00

I have been left out of place so many times in my life.

I often think that our folks could be one of the most nastiest creatures on Earth cause they ruin our lives unreasonably or they wouldnt condone us into having a boyfriend or a girlfriend.Sometimes,it would even cross my mind that they never experienced teenagehood at all.

It just occured to me that they are human beings after all.Thank God they finally did understand me.
Or maybe they did so long ago but they were just waiting for me to spill the beans.

I panicked when my mom found out about us.I expected world war 3.I thought she would confine me within the boundaries of my home with no contact to the outside world for the rest of my lifetime. I was guessing the she might explode with rage and start screaming at me like it was judgement day.

But it wasnt as bad as I thought.She dealt with me pretty much maturely and even joked about it. However she still gave me a lecture and she scolded me for lying to her. Well, that was reasonable enough.

I hope it would stay that way. I hope she wouldnt change her mind and I hope that I wouldnt let her down by flunking my N's.

I owe her my life for understanding my status now.But my phone is still confiscated. Sadly...

Starstruck

2009-01-15T12:50:00.004+08:00

wow. I met the Ting-tings in person(not bragging),by coincidence and even got their autograph and picture. (head swelling). wow. Saw 'em at Changi Airport. (:

starstrucked.
Okay,I need a getaway.
I'm feel so tired everyday.I've been sleeping so late for the past week mainly because of studying or wasting several hours talking over the phone with random people. I'm developing eyebags.
I hafta tackle between decorating the backboard, the cheer competition over at march and N levels this year. The teachers are so pressurising us. nevertheless,school is still worth enjoying.

bummer,
I feel so desperate nowadays. I dont know how to discipline myself well enough to at least ignore him for a day.I feel like a pest.
Maybe its cause I just want to be with him at almost every hour of the day. Well, I know I can't. I mean we have lives too and i have my N levels to prioritise as well.
Maybe its cause I miss him so much. I have to restrain from that I guess. If not, all that I'd be doodling on my testpaper is his name. freaky.
Maybe its cause I'm afraid that I might lose him again, but nevertheless I still trust him.

I dontr know whats getting over me.
I need sushi.

cheesecakes were delicious.

2009-01-06T18:00:00.005+08:00

I'm bored.

I was so looking forward to today but something had to come up.
I can't find myself to get angry because it was for a reasonable cause.However,I'm rather upset though.Perhaps I was just a little too elated to see him.

Its much more important anyway. I can't blame anyone but Singapore General Hospital. why does it have to be that far. -.-
Nevertheless,I hope his uncle would have a speedy recovery.His whole family mustve been worried sick. Much like mine when my cousin was in the delivery room a few weeks ago.

Guess I'll just have to wait for another day.Can't wait for thursday.

well,school was fine.Seniors get privilages. and I slept for four periods,i think. I felt lethargic. Marck and I had a laugh during Mother Tongue class. hilarious.
oh,Nadiah crashed by my place just now. We laughed and we ate cheesecakes and we watched Ben10. Great cartoon.
It was fun.

But I still miss him.

new years'

2009-01-06T15:48:00.005+08:00

I finally found time to update my blog. Its been like forever.

Philippines was wonderful.I'm missing it already.I was so elated that I got to meet my cousins once again.They like practically flew from Colorado and its been more than10 flippin' years since I last saw them.I was like only 5?

We've grown. Alot.
anyways,I spent my new years there.It was ...okay.We climbed up to the rooftop to watch fireworks.It was pretty smoky,but it was pleasant.If you turn a full 360 degrees, you could see fireworks like everywhere. Super noisy.I have to like scream just to talk.
it was pretty chaotic however my new years seemed so quiet.My friends are all back in singapore enjoying the moment partying away. How I wish I couldve flown back there to join them. But I was stuck in Phils, nevertheless I dont regret being there tho.

After all the countdown and fireworks display,we slumped back into my cousin's temporary bedroom and played Wii. I couldnt get my hands off the controller. The three of us were practically glued to the screen.Smash Bros. was awesome.
however,the fun must end and we dozed off at like 5 am in the morning.

I shopped of course. Like some crazed-shoppaholic.Almost everything was cheapo and there were 'end-of-season sales' everywhere plus We had dinner at Chowking.

(evil laughs)

jamming studio

2008-11-19T23:07:00.006+08:00

Well. boredom strikes yet again.
All I do is just stay at home and stare in front of the TV screen like some couch potato.

I ordered Pizza of course.
Seriously can't wait for the weekends.

oh,I got to hear Joshua's band about a week ago i think.Middle child Syndrome, I guess? They were awesome, however I can't seem to hear Josh's voice though.
Guess the mic aint too loud,couldnt project his voice too well enough.I had to sit in three different places to obtain a better hearing of his vocals.

Joshua -vocals,guitarist
Barry -lead guitarist,
Heiman -Bass
Clive -Drummer

(hope I got that right).
The drummer was ....(speechless).. so woah. haha.Jamming studio was over at his place.it literally is a jamming studio and his got 5,6,7 guitars and a really huge drumset. Pretty savvy crib to crash into. I could practically stay there the whole day without having to get bored. One week the most I bet.

he has got a bitch too. I mean a female dog,Angel. Sweet little critter.I feel like bringing it home,gosh.

I need a life. ~~Party,get high on drugs, and party more.~~

web cams.

2008-11-16T06:44:00.003+08:00

oh having a sleepover at janelle's house.

I hear birds chirping from the outside.We practically dint sleep at all.
Time check: 6.45 am

Janelle's folks are gonna be up any minute amd I'm still sitting in front of the com staring at a blank screen.

what to write.what to write.
so many things happened today.In a span of 5-6 hours,we browsed through the net 'admiring' pretty girls and chatting with Janelle's friends through msn.There was webcam included.It was pretty whacky.I enjoyed it meself.Janelle's got herself some pretty kewl friends.

We were supposed to watch movies but the computer bailed out on us. Damn computer.
I brought dvds for nothing.
Nevertheless, I managed to eat at her place.
We had potato chips,coke float,ice cream more potato chips and chicken?!

well, it was all delicious.
Junkfood is healthy for heartbreaks. gosh.I feel alot lighter now.

oh shit is that someone I hear?
that's it for now.blog later.

275 candidates, 1 fried mars bar.

2008-11-13T10:03:00.004+08:00

rihanna performs today and I was supposed to have gotten those dope tix. Too bad those photographs aren't sufficient enough.after all those hard work and irrelevant decisions we have to put up through.we practically circled our way thru town searching for random people to snap pictures with. Bet I recieved more rejects than okays. Bummer.

Nevertheless,it was a one of a kind experience.there were hot kids I've met too.it brought up my self esteem to a whole new level. Plus boost my confidence in approaching cute guys as well. Hurrah.I still keep the placard tho.

Oh,we've only managed to take 275 photos.
Kudos to patrick and nadiah for their photography skills.plus nelle with her
uncanny ability to ask random people for pictures.

The best part is that I managed to snap a pic with mr righteous.
.......alongside his girlfriend. Sad but still worth it.
I got to taste fried mars bar at chippy's british takeaway. It was devine.the chocolate that melted in my mouth was absolutely scrumptious.kudos to the boy who introduced me to fried mars bars. Ha!

Well, tonight is her concert and I'm gonna be stuck at home painting my fingernails with some 3 bucks worth of nail polish.
Thank god bridging finally ends. Shopping here I come.

Fuck,my brother is trying to fit onto my fedora hat.Get away twerp. Haha.

starwars monopoly

2008-11-12T15:48:00.003+08:00

two more days till bridging ends.why does that asswipe principal wants to extend the programme?!

He is one hell of an asswipe.
Crashed by Joshua's crib yesterday.haha.I had fun.two of my other best friends were there,patty and nelle.we tried to play monopoly but guess it was more boring than having to meddle with nelle's headband.it's rainbow coloured,golly.
Oh,and as per usual,joshy gave us a taste of his awesome guitar skills. Gee,ya,awesome, awesome...

On the way to his house by the way, we kept having awkward pitstops cause nelle wanted to rest. Plus it was drizzling.we passed through the ever so 'haunted' red house. And no,fuck,no, it ain't haunted.I don't get why people still visit that,to humour themselves most probably.

What the hell man,what the hell.

I met my soulmate by the way.the cutest guy ever to come out of a woman's womb and his name is juan.he is such a naughty little twerp,so fickle minded I can tell.but I fell in love the minute I saw him.I would wait for him if I could.
Oh,did I forget to mention? He is 14 years younger than me.ha!

We had chocolates imported from all the way USA.kudos to josh's mom.nelle has got some pretty dope friends.gosh,that guy has got to be blind not to notice her. Nevertheless,she's still a bomb even if she teases me almost every minute of the day.

Joshy and I are supposedly going to perform 'lucky' as a duet in the talentshow.hopefully we still could make it through.it was rather last minute. Goin'ta dedicate it to kriz. Aww,how charming those two can get.

Nevermind,I'll get my turn one day. Yes,I so will.

And so the day ends with laughter and more laughing.josh and I argued the other day but I'm relieved that the problem resolved.to be frank,he is the best pal. Oh,don't fret patty, you are too.

There was one lesson I learnt that day and it's that I suck at monopoly. Oh, balls.

how tragic.

2008-11-12T10:53:00.003+08:00

uh,this sucks.

yes,this really sucks.

How could you look at yourself in the mirror every morning and tell yourself that you are beautiful? well,are you not?
Time ticks and I'm still sitting here in front of the mirror contemplating whatever has gone wrong in my life. What has happened that I got involved into this melancholic state.I find myself wasting my tears over something thats not worth looking back on.
I keep on contradicting myself,not healthy.
Now,I find my heart hesitating to find solace in love once again when all it needs is someone to love it. How ironic. I find myself going round in circles.God,Its getting confusing.

Why am I still turning back? Guess Im still hoping that a day would come where fate might change its course.I guess Im still waiting for the moment where I might find satisfaction in what I have now.

I just want an apology.I just want what everybody wants, the Truth.
guess I could never reach it. how sad.
But you, You must be ecstatic now.You are so apathetic towards this situation as if it were a rubbish dump.
you always assured to me that you'd love me forever.
but now, you are leaving me forever.

Pressurising. just too pressurising.I just dont know which to follow.
My mind or my heart.
I might just fade away.

thanks for the memories

2008-10-28T13:36:00.004+08:00

oh,now my problems have diminished one by one.the sad part is that I got hurt in the process.

I feel so empty.
No wait not empty. Crushed.
well,life is so interesting sometimes.things just happen and the world just moves.
That retreat was such an eye opener.I never stopped to realize I actually have such great friends.but still,I cannot erase the fact that I was hurt to the extent.my eyes are practically swollen.however,crying does help.
It's just so difficult struggling with the situation now.everything's so different.I've invested my time on trying to delete those memories that I've tried so hard to treasure.
I've changed my persective about love now.it just a conspiracy made to think that two people are actually meant for each other but let's face it, love just hurts people eventually.Whats the use of loving when you'll get hurt?
I used to think love was magic,guess I proved that theory wrong.

Nevertheless,I'm still here hoping that he is alright.
I'm just so confused.some say it's for the better,others claim that it was never worth it in the first place.but what to do now, it's over,literally over.
Now I'm just trying my best to release the hurt that keeps growing every single time I think of those moments I thot would always last,
Better to stop contemplating.I could never bear to look back and reminisce.I've already wasted so many tears.

I can't believe I was this emotional.
Ha-ha-ha.I so need sushi.

rumours kill bestfriends

2008-10-21T14:18:00.004+08:00

Another day,another catastrophe.
Everybody is like crying now.everybody is having doubts now.
Everything points out to me.I don't know whether I'm a good friend or a selfish one.I just know I have hurt people I didn't mean to
Hurt.I mustve been blind,stupid.I didn't mean to.I thot I was harmless.I thot I was not hurting anyone.but in fact I did, I'm sorry if I did.
I'm such a self centered person.I don't think twice.
Jealousy is a strong emotion.I don't want to hurt people by what I'm doing now.god,why do I feel so deprived.deprived for everything.
Deprived from hanging out with people I want to.I feel so confused.I'm not looking for pity,I just want peace.I just don't want arguements to erupt between us again yet I hate changing who I really am to fit in.I just feel that I couldn't fit in because you are always amongst yourselves
and I don't want to be that person who keeps nosing into people's business.
Shit always happens ....to me.I feel so misunderstood.I just enjoy the company of talking to them but I guess you just view from a different perspective.crying really sucks and I'm tired.
Pinoys have this nature of being comfortable around anyone.this goes to show that Filipinos are just as sociable plus they feel more at home when they chill with people of the same nationality. But whatever right.it's not like people do believe anyway.
I love you guys,but I'm unsure of whether you guys treat me the same.

Thank you so much nad.I really appreciate you being there for me.I love you babe.
And I miss that boy who loves me no matter what.where has that old sweet boy gone to. I love him just so much.I hope he still feels the same way.

2008-10-17T15:56:00.002+08:00

Vivo city.
I love these bunch of people.

guitar hero was so cool.

2008-10-17T15:15:00.003+08:00

oh chalet was like yesterday and it was a hell load of fun.People with camweraas.puhleese send send the peektures. ~~Cause I look pretty in them~~.

And holy cow,the bbq chicken wus tasteless at first.Well,kudos to Nad's Boyf and a bunch of people that eventually made the chicken taste a little more barbequed.

*mutters WTF.

Went swimming with Nad,Nab,Riz,Oli and Hayati.Reunion man,Reunion.We like held hands and jumped into the pool.Real Fun,serious Fun.Played volleyball in the pool as well.We looked like babies.Beautiful ~~BABIs~~ Babies. There were dozens of like male species contaminating the pool doing weird stuff,but who cares,they have their own world.

LMAO.whatev man,whatev.
Nad left early. tsktsk,wish she couldve stayed longer,seriously.She had a pretty dress on and Zul bought it.Hey,I want a new dress too.

(hints to boyfriend)Humpt.
Naw,Ive got alot of dresses already.Nehehe.

We had like Indian Poker as well.Greatest Game ever,thanks to Oli.Ms Lim played as well.Had to forfeit with -----,----- and I had to -----------.Everyone was like screaming,the room could collapse.All of them so KILIG.♥

Sufiah had to forfeit the most.Love you babe.Ha-Ha.

And many more stuff happened....
.....
........but it was all fun.
..........I had fun in this chalet,much more preferably than last year's one.YEEWW.
but how I wished he was there as well(:

Anyway,I think Pat is like the best dressed,with Riz too.So compatible.
(covers mouth) Cant believe I said that.

The fedora straw hat thingy is like so Jason Mraz-y,its pretty.
I love 2/3.seriously I do.
Oh,Darren Chan Mali Chan was there.He never changes. Ha-Ha.
I played Guitar Hero and I sucked bigtime.such a sucker man,SUCKER!!!

2008-09-23T14:27:00.003+08:00

Love is a puzzle.
It is the most inspiring yet the most suffocating choke of your life.

Yes,she loves you.Yes,she cares.Her love is competent for you.But she doesnt believe in the conspiracy that love is perpetual because she still has a life.She cannot prioritise you always beacuse she also has other matters to attend to. its coherent,I know but you just have to live with the fact that she is not ready for fulltime commitment yet.But this doesnot mean she has changed.She loves you alot,true.
I know at times its difficult to understand but we are girls.
Your affair has to be kept private as well before it gets out of hand.Her folks can find out and its going to be at your loss.If you really love her,please understand her situation.
She's sweet but she's not irrational.Her parents condone your relationship and if you dont want to lose her, all the more you should hide it?

P.S migs ilove you always.

2008-09-17T12:22:00.004+08:00

I cant put any bloody song in my blog.this is so unfair.

anyway,I'm having constipation.I ate macs in the middle of the night.
We ordered fish fillet and fries with large upsized coke.I feel so beefy.Gosh.

I was hungry okay plus the macs delievery guy was cute.
But who cares.

Life is not as blissful as it seems anymore.I'm unsure of whether I'm still grounded or not. I need to get a life.Look at my friends ,they are so so ...auspicious.
While I'm here contemplating whether I should live or die.

Live or die.Live or die.Live or die.
there is nothing to look forward to every morning anymore.

Bummer.
I'm just afraid he might let go.

2008-09-16T14:10:00.004+08:00

what,
boring.I talked to that english/scottish/irish philip guy.Mig's friend.
Claimed that he was gay and M was Bisexual.I dont date bisexual guys.

I miss you.

We got detained for being late for stewpid assembly.For 20 full minutes.
But its ohkay.we got detained but went loko.They started blabbering about ~~orgasm and cum~~.
disgusting but funny though.
mmmm.
We had P.E. Gosh and it was so much fun.toodledeedoodledoo.ha.!
Nabilah is such a hilarious monkey.
no not literally. but she makes volleyball sessions so godamnit fun.

too bad the boys had to play soccer.
whatever.
oh marck and his singlish-ness.Speak good english dufus.
(like you read this blog.Tag if you do). He read a story about Little Led Liding Hoot. I laughed.Everyone laughed.
Subhi's speech was tha' BEST.He was so naturally gay.(happy)

And had Art lesson.Free period again.Chatted with Pat and Nad.They are so whacky.
Really whacky.I dont kiss asses Nadiah.Only BOBO does.
Uh we had sex ED too.Did role play.and I was partnered to Hakim,it was adorable.
We were supposed to say NO to sex or smth. funny.
Nadiah-narrator
Patrick- some extra guy
Me- Girl
Hakim-boy

story -session 1.
then we had asroy and gang.. Rizkha and Asroy were supposedly dating for 2 long years.
my friggin' balls.Yearight.
Then Asroy went all weird and said "hunney,we've been dating for two years now,do you yhink we should do IT?"

HAHA.and rizkha went ballistic and said" uhh,I'm not ready.Just accept it.I'm breaking up! " It went all dramatic and she stormed off.

*standing ovation.
WAAH.rizkha is one potential artist.Great drama role.HAHAHA(:
but it was cool overall though.
can't wait to see more role plays.

BTW,your blahbox is very ENGLISH-Y.you got real good vocab and it was real sweet too.

says: AWWWWWW.

2008-09-15T11:16:00.005+08:00

two days never blog. Never mind.
I wish I couldve gone to that makan session with them sweet people.

seen their peektures,they had so much fun.Go figure.
NO fair. I was busy for two days.But it was worth it.
And I went to CAEC on sunday finally. OMGG, I missed everyone there.
Too bad he dint came. fook,and I was so looking forward to him.

*screams NOOO!
one more month of waiting.Its gonna be torture.Pure torture.
well,no pain no gain right? Its gonna be worth waiting for anyway.

Oh,and I decided to share.It was sort of last minute but I felt like I had to.
Then my brother burst into tears.I was pretty baffled.but He was just so adorable.Ernest gave him tissue paper.Ha-ha,and I was like "martin,dont embarrass me". well he got sort of annoyed but giggled eventually.
There's this game we played and I partnered myself with Miles.He was bugging me to spill what had happened to me the past month.well I spilled but only in rough detail.
He had problems too you know. Well he forever has problems.Poor guy.
Kept pushing him to concentrate on his studies first. but he said he just couldnt.

Umm,still poor guy.

I saw Orly and Jamie being such sweetums to each other.It was so ARRGGH just watching them talk. seriously reminds me of him.alot.

dumdumdiddledum,boink.
went home and it rained.well,kudos to Josh for allowing me to use his phone to call him up.I got to hear his voice.
I had mooncakes with like different flavours,yummy.

2008-09-12T11:09:00.006+08:00

And I'll be the greatest fan of your life.

WHAT,nobody tags my blog. why?I dontknow.
HELLO people.If you read,please tag uhkay.thankyou.I love you.

I have pink braces now.Love it.
Eh Zul,Im just kidding.Youre profile is v.nice now.seriously.
I went searching for a volleyball yesterday and cowdung,its all sold out.

Bullocks.Why do people want volleyballs so badly this time of year?
Nevermind,finally tasted Krispy Kreme.! Hurraayy.

*chants Krispy Kreme.

ooh,before I forget again.habbyhabbyBurfday to Feydric B.
His birthday is like two f days ago. oophs.
Daddy is home now and he bought me this red tee even tho I dint ask for it.thank you.

I'm happy.Okay,not that happy but satisfying enough.
I'm still grounded tho.I think.

well,things cant get any worse anyway.I really wish I could get my phone back.
I miss it like crazybabaloo.

2008-09-11T11:05:00.003+08:00

Zul,I saw your friendster profile,and its soo awesome now.Credits to Nad right?Nyahaha.-.-
Your profile with that huge green turtle of yours.WHATTHEHELL.bhut it was it was cute.

*sings Great Escape by BoyslikeGirls.
you people so sweet.

okay,
went home @ 4.30 pm yesterday then headed straigtht for the library and borrowed some pretty cool books.
Then when I reached home,I found my mom crying over the phone.

SPEECHLESS.
I immediately ran out of the room,
found out she was actl speaking to the person who spread that 'rumour' about me.It was so ungrateful. She was practically pouring her heart out on the phone.
I thot the problem is over,sad to say it isnt.They still continuously msg her apologising but its friggin' done already.You cant go back in time and prevent stuff from ever happening. DUH.! Some people are just too BIGMOUTHed.

Nevertheless.I dont want to think bad about them,cause they are good people.Perhaps their intention was good but it backfired eventually. whatever.
Even though my mom is a big PAIN IN THE BUTT sometimes,I still pity her when she cries. She still my mom and nth is ever gonna change that.
Anyway,I dint eat breakfast and I dint eat during recess either.
Golly,I'm starving, and history is a killer.

I spoke to Zaf yest.And stuff are okay between us.At least he knows everything now.NO more secrets right? haha.
Im so grateful he understood my situation now..

oh and my dad. He is coming home today along with my volleyball and Krispy Kreme.
yes! I'm finally tasting Krispy Kreme again. hahaha!

I watched the VMA's on MTV the other day and the twilight cast came.

HOMYBALLS THEY ARE SO ....UNDESCRIBABLE.
*covers head with pillow and screams.

And Russell Brand ? you are so talkative,you british laddie.
but it was okay. Chris brown dint dance though.I was so expecting him to dance.

2008-09-10T14:40:00.007+08:00

uh yah. Im typing once again.

My life has gone to the dumpster and I think I'm going bonkers.
Yes,bonkers. I'm still confined in my prison-house with my evil REAL mother who so
wants to make me feel ....SORROWFUL/EMBARRASSED/HELPLESS? I dont know.
She is a real GOOFBALL. (ohgosh,im badmouthing my own mom)whatever.She doesnt even
know what love is anyway.

She only knows how to love herself.
Okay,stop it.

Moving on...
school was uhh...predictable.I gave a speech. amazing and it was about why am I proud to be Filipino.oh golly.and I am so proud.
I talked about Boracay,Mall of Asia and ..Gawad Kalinga? yerp,I did and it was so cool.
rizkha was like "I feel like going to the Philippines alrd".
and marck thought I was okay.too bad Pat couldnt watch my speech.-.-

whateverr.
credits to Nadiah who helped with my powerpoint.Love you babe.
oh and I'm fasting in school and my aunt was like "why are you so pale?" when I reached home.
At least I've lost weight. I weighed from --kg to --kg.
*like I'm gonna tell you so.

hey.I smsed the M guy yest and and he was so sweet! I tell you.
uh.if youre reading this,
come closer.
closer.
tsk closer la.

I have a pet spider!

MUAHKS
Iloveyou deepdeep.study hard uhkay.see you real soon.

2008-07-17T11:26:00.005+08:00

dude,im so dead k?
I just got the biggest scolding from my mom and I dont know how to fucking cope,
she grounded me off everything,She took away my cellphone,ezlink and the freakin home phone.Plus she decreased my allowance. I feel so freaking pissed.
I cant even meet migs anymore.I cried like a monster.i dont know what to do.
people just dont understand.

*silence.
cries again,
shit,full of shit.

she doesnt trust me now.i dontknow if i could even attend yfc anymore.
big FUCK.just happens,bad luck.
Argh confusion.isit God punishing me? i dont know.it just so happens that she asked for my phone. and so she asked me if miguel is my boyfriend.
So many shit happened in just one day.my eyes are sore from crying.I'm practically grounded for the rest of my life.I dont even want to step inside my house.
FUCK,this is so bullshit.

yeah,Nadiah asked me a big Q just now.
why do people have to get into relationships?
actually i have been asking myself that same friggin question.I mean we could stay as friends even if we love each other right?
But on the other hand,we are afraid that we may lose this person to someone else if we say NO.We also want that person to love us as well.So we take risks.We agree to a relationship that is not 'legal'.do you think its right we even do that.why did God give us these hormones at such an early stage? People say its because he wants us to learn and experience.But why is it 'forbidden'?why do some people dislike us having relationships?
its for a good cause anyway. bullshit.i hate going home now.
and yeah i still love you.

2008-07-15T11:29:00.001+08:00

okkay.um yesterday I had chemistry test; it sucked big time and physics.im gonna flunk. shit.
oh and I was bad mood the whole time,stupid.

okay whatepher.
um,i talked to mr leong just now and i just wanna break the good news that me and nadiah are emcees for talentquest confirmed. Hurrayy big time. so exciting.
okayokay running out of time.
till then,toodledoo fuckeroo. neheehhe.

2008-07-14T12:03:00.002+08:00

shoot,im so happy with my life!! gahahaha.
eh,yesterday so fun.fun.fun. went to the only place Plaza Singapeura.^^
you know why?you know why? cause got HAPPINESS.aiya,if you were me,you'd know why I'm so happy. HAAHAHA.
I drank Ice Teh susu.(milk tea;if you dont know la). Teh SUSU my susu.haha.so lame.

yah,i know im lame,so laugh.LAUGH until your susu come out! hehe.
(so wrong).
anyhow,im fucking glad to spent my time with the M guy.♥
Eh,you know who you are.I love you.ahaha.you better love me okay. hehe,just kiddingdong.
We ran far away from the crew.so exhilirating.(wah,strong word).
and and I just find him so adorable. NGEH.(:
oh we did face painting as well. PAINT.then theres this blackman,so black like nigga.
(oi just kidding haha.dont sue me,no offence).

OMG,i just love life.

Rue the day.

2008-07-11T14:00:00.004+08:00

today is today.which is the day after yesterday and before tomorrow.HAHAHAA.
okay today got what ah.oh yah i remember.
nadiah got a huge frog. eh you think real ah? FAKE FROG la.okay nevermind.
she got it from who? SECRET!It looks expensive.do you think it is?
(you never even seen it before.) anyway,she cant stop hugging the frog.
SLEPT FOR 10 HOURS WITH IT.crazy right.

P.S she dint have sex.still virgin so relax.(me too)
the frog is huggable anyway.she is imagining it was someone else. NOT.

okay my turn.I have shoulder tumor.(thats what marck said)
TUMOR! im gonnna die soon.they said got bump.very scary.
what tumor sia, i only got ache sia.tsktsk. aiyoh,stress thats why.
humm,
oh something happened yesterday.
i overheated. no just kidding,
i overheard his mom overheating from the phone. OMG.anyway,unbreak my trust?bloodyhell. dont break ah,dont break.
so funny. but i dont wanna lose him.
OKAY,sufiah cannot reach her back, HAAHHAHA.difficulty.
ok la,soo bad.dont insult people. wait,when did i insult?hah stupidfool.sick in the mind?

eh shut up again ah,SERIOUSLY turn off that radio. wait,where got radio?
oohh,in my pocket... the big stereo also with speakers. WICKED.
everybody fall in love at spec course or campfest? oooooh ♥
obviously ncc guys are hot. anyway,SOME ncc guys only.
eh so many losers here.they blogging also.so noisy running around like mad dogs.

*who let the dogs out?! who,who,who?

answer: the teacher la.school end already.
hayy.okay i love my fans.( like i have one) oh i have.electric fan!only 24.50
you want? cannot!thats mine.

Rue the day.

2008-07-11T14:00:00.001+08:00

2008-07-10T14:32:00.002+08:00

immat school now,blogging.yes its weird but i dont care.HAHA! anywaay,art so bleh and i met this training teacher that is from my church,small world.too small.yeah,he is cute as well.i talked to him.
*giggles.
finally! cute teacher at our school.but SHIT,i forgot to ask for his name!or phone number.hehehehe.
just kidding.Eh you,dont get jealous ah.okokok.
umm,oh yesterday was FUUN.we were such retards even though i was solo at that moment but im proud to see that my best friend is happy with her bf(best friend).
wait,you think what ah?boyfriend? yah right.stupidfool.sick in the mind?
wait maybe you think im sick. okay nevermind.iam sick.sick of you.sick of lovesongs.

EH,TURN OFF THE RADIO LA.
ohya,PH 8-14 is alkali.dont forget.chemis-tree(chemistry la).
haha stupid. LAME.

NEXT.
oh i had sushi tuna with mayo.nice you know,you want some?
YEAHRIGHT like i will give you.wait,fat people come inside prcs library internet section.they will crush me if i dont give tuna. omg,they brought paraphenalia.
(oh it means other stuff).
-paraphenalia was taught by
ms shelia.thankyou for
for that strong vocab.

oaky fat people hitting the table.they think cool isit.i hit their stomach then
cowtrees come out.
what the hell are cowtrees? anyhow makeup word.
then i punk'd my boyfriend. SO COOOLL.i laughed alone.but i still love him of course.
EH,sorry ah,i punk'd you.hehe.

okay bye tmrw again(:

2008-06-20T22:12:00.002+08:00

hello world.
look i have finally updated my freakish blog.
umm,immat at the phileepines now and its raining super hard here.scarry but yeah.
i finally am blogging.shiet.
okay i miss my friends and those people over there bback at sing and stuff.im bawred here.surrounded with old people.gawd.
but i did tons of shopping so im glad.nehehe.i cant wait to get back to singapoore and settle ....stuff.
okay.gotta go now.
mom screaming from the bathroom.

2008-04-18T16:07:00.003+08:00

i have not blogged in 689645357days and finally i have the time.
err,everything is happy now and life is OHK.I've been hanging out with my friends and found out that love is the only thing that keeps me happy.
eww.what the fuck am I saying.But anyway Imma just glad that Im not that person who like so crying over him like so bitch.
and feyd treated me starbucks.FINALLY.chocolate frappucino please.
well,i'd be turning 15 soon anyway.my BIRTHDAY omg.im so fucking excited.YES,I'd be finally getting money to shop.and i got a new phone! hurrayray.sonyerricsonson.
ohk whatever,and i got 5th for 2.4 run for the first time in my life(:
gahh.
and yes Elfie is cute,i mean hot.

i've got no freedom

2008-04-09T20:04:00.004+08:00

I'd do whatever it takes to turn this around.And if you give me a chance and believe I can change,I'll keep us together.

2008-04-09T19:38:00.007+08:00

Fuckyou.could you stop bothering me?so what if i took laughing gas?so what if i smoked A stick?I mean why do you even care?We're just friends only right?Why care so fucking much?The more you care the more I feel that I'm so into you.Somehow I want my life to be happy but you are always getting in the way.So what if I want to take laughing gas?You take it too don't you?Why can't I?My birthday is coming and I just wanna enjoy.Plus its not like i take it everyday like so addictshit.
cause im what?HUH?tell me.why do you care so much if i take?!I really dont get you.
fine,you want me to stop asking?I will.I'll fucking ignore you completely until you tell me why you are so mad that i took laughing gas.
YOU DONT KNOW HOW MUCH I HATE IT,YOU ARE THE ONLY REASON WHY IM SUCH A MESS RIGHT NOW.
you just dont know how i feel.

err dance was such a klutz.it ended superr late cause we shitty danced at the hall for that fulldressed rehearsal thingy.At least i got free food.(that was yesterday btw).
ehm,me&sheera took loads of pics. hehe waah.so fun with the outfit and all.imma like sweating right now.
plus we watched vantage point yesterrday.it was real cool ohk.the moovie was nice i tell you.I ate a whole bunch of stuff.Pizza,chicken and popcorn.BLOATED! bummer.
anyway,it was my momma's wedding anniverssary yest(:

to you know who:
I have a hint on who you are.I viewed your blog but I just cant seem to find a connection between what your saying in your blog?
I swear i'm tired of arguing because I'm like this and that.I've accepted the fact that I'm not perfect and i might have my flaws as well.sorry.but I dont know how else to change?but to tell you the truth,I am trying.

2008-04-07T17:15:00.003+08:00

omg im superr alone in school now?
and i saw him, shit.I just cant stand being this way.I want to move on but everytime I see your face pass I just rememberr everything all over again and I hate that sick feeling.Like so friggin' shitass feeling.I just wish you'd just faster graduate out of Pasir ris crest shit schools so that I can live peacefully with the friends that I love and care.blahblah.
I really couldnt get over those days where you actually made me smile and say 'iloveyou' over and over again.Guess you are way satisfied being single and flirt with whoever whatever.
wah,laughing gazzt to the maximum.haha.overdose? naw.
me,nad,ariff and luqman inhaled like i dont know how much.oh yeah,sayyid took some too during recess but he got super high and he almost fell on me?scarry.
youve gone wayy to high sayyid! haha.
ohk nvm,and aft school seen a few old friends frum ~~longkang~~ primary schl.Asked for my number and nadiah's number but nadiah malu seh.NO need shyshy uh.haha! he say she cute.wah.

imma get some gas.

2008-04-06T13:11:00.007+08:00

grr.i just fucking hate school.becoming like some ass prison.Everything's a bloody no-no.we cant even step out our shitclass aftr periods.we cant even bloody get to drink in watercoolers,and Ive heard his gonna take those coolers away.Fuck.I cant believe it.Ong is such a torturous ass.Doesnt he know hw to leave us alone?I mean we study and give him good grades,aint that good enough? blah.
ARGGH,pain in the ass.
another problem.my muther.she is GRRR,such a problematic assbitch.I dont know what to do with her.Is she depressed or whut.she is like venting everyth on me.and she draggs her lectures to like half the day.And the worse part is she is screaming at me in PUBLIC.which is so embarrassing.i wish i could just block my ears with sth.
hate it.hate it.fucking hate it.
oh and i discovered a secret yest.haha!
laughing gas was oh-so fun.with nad,luqman and ariff.hahaha.the beach was warm though and omg we walked frum like whitesands to the beach and imma having blisterrs eveywhere.
CIP is on the nextnext saturday at pasir ris lib(:

secret crowds.

2008-04-05T11:08:00.002+08:00

I've become different.changed.omg.
I dont know what to say anymore but I knew it.I've been so obssessed with so many things that im blind enough not to see that there are people who care out there.Guess Im just so stupid and whateverr.Im sorry.maybe thats why I fade away from you guys.that's shit.

anyhows.i cant believe almost everyone knows?grr.wonder who blabbered it out.
~~Imma so gonna choke that person to death.~~dummy.
Noo.it was supposed to be my little secret and now everybody knows.aaah.
and i'm not sure why im feeling this way but are you affected by me having to like someone else?But you have other GIRLfriends to be with anyway.Like that ugly bitch.ew.Sometimes I just wish that you would faster graduate out of school.Its your last year anyway.It would be much easier to get over your face.

2008-04-03T22:43:00.005+08:00

All this time you were pretending,
so much for my happy ending.

dear diary.

2008-04-03T20:44:00.007+08:00

err.dotdotdot.today is awkward day.like whatthfuck.tooty.
anyway,i went all depressant just now.thanks to sufiahgreenalien,nadeeyah,and subhi.♥ you asses.haha.suhbi's really funny.and art was crazy.Mr Ling is so crap! gee.
oh.SARINAH(: I cant believe i caught up with you bitch!grr,missed you like fuck baybeh.and its such a Good thing i got to hang out with you before you leave for melbourne again.I so wish i could follow you there.seriously.I want to meet your friends baadly.too bad you cant stay any longer,so I can spent more time with you.Gosh,we made fun of those bloody geekshit girls.

labels: MY HUGS ARE PRICELESS.yehright.

fuckingballs.with that bellbottom jeans and long blouse.thats nerdfashion omg.haha!
and theres this friggin' AH LIAN and I hit her by accident and she was
like " eh chibai!"
Err,it was by accident you ass.I dint even scratch your blooody motorcycle helmet.You dont have to fucking glare at me and shit.mind your own buisness. seriously.whatever.

and I guess Im starting to fall for that Mawi guy? ♥pizzahut.

i miss the kiss that made me go oh-oh.

2008-03-31T21:31:00.006+08:00

omg,
i dont know what the fuck im doing now.

I dont know who to turn to,shit.HELP please.I'm really confused.
I love you yet I dont.♥

I just feel so fuck and confused.Err,im not sure what to do anymore seriously.I just dowan to fall in love again and again.It stresses me out yet I still want to.shit.
I hate to fucking fall in love.grr.
And I'm also tired of waiting for things to be alright again.

~~Im sorry but Im fed up of trying to please you.~~

I'll just pray that everyth will fall into place again(like it will).
oh yeah,EW to the costumes we will wear for speechday.No offence to those who actually like the costumes?Hah.I hope that they could just improvise with the costumes or sth.and the pantyhose suits perfectly okay.tsk.
tmrw is a long day.bummer.
oh yeah,did long talks with nadiah and wow,we really talked.So many things just blabbered out.and i start to realise that life actually stinks.and that friends come and go whenever,just try to move on and be satisfied with whatever you have?
Rizkha's so excited that DC is coming tmrw,so am i(But not as much,haha).okay whatever.
oh and rayyan and friends so totally embarrassed me with 'him'shitty.

2008-03-31T00:26:00.002+08:00

shit.today is so bloody confusing.with the whats going on in cat class just now.omg,what the fuck seriously?I dint know what got over everyone.and clifford was likke yadayadayada.~~so cute like monkey~~.
Anyway,we met at suntec city and we talked like nth happened just now.I m just relieved that it dint get any deeper till we abuse each other or whatever.ahem,well,thats what i think.I hope the other party feels the same way as well.
oh kevin was like i want shishishuahsha.and i was like go buy la.but seriously till now,it still tempts me.grr,im just holding it back.I dint so it for so loong alr.god knows when I start again.. but no-no,pishposh no way never.fuckingballs.
tmrw is school again and now its like 12:34 and i aint sleeping yet.Got insomnia?naw.I'm just way to lazy to close my eyes and my stuff is like lying everywhre.
oh dang,theres speechday pract tmrw.My arms aching cause I'm playing badminton for two days in a row ONLY.tsk.

And,you,yes you.that guy at church.that absolutely adorable cute guy in church that i fell for,
you prolly wont even read my blog anyway.(i mean i dunno how bloody reads my blogga!)
but please please nootice me in church !!!
I prolly have a huge competition with those other ~~bitches~~ who likes you alot.
but smmile to me! (: hehe.
Wait,im not expecting too much am I?

2008-03-29T19:02:00.005+08:00

sometimes i just miss falling in love all over again.

2008-03-29T16:52:00.008+08:00

shit.I watched 10'000BC yesterday on the big screen.its super nice.the guy was really hot i swear.Steven Strait?omg,yes.and theres this girl with pretty blue eyes.the movie is awesomic.gahh.haha,so much fun. shuffling(:
speechday practice on friday was grr.i was sweating over the hall.we danced like crazy dogs.
ohk im boored seriously.im stuck at home today,cause i dont have plans.grr.iI've got no where to go.I'm so crammed up at home with my books.and I dont know what to do anymore.I'm so lazy.ZZZTTT.
err,i miss you guys seriously?I have to admit i just miss hangig iut with you guys alot.I miss the beach like fuck.I miss taking random pictures and laughing our ass off over them.How I so loved those times,gosh.I just dont have the courage to face up and talk to you guys again.
I'm feeling real quiet this past few days.wow.

2008-03-27T18:13:00.003+08:00

okay today was a slacker.well not really.had chem test today and im so telling you that im really gonna flunnk it.damm.stupid chemmistry.and i dint finish art either.boohoo.anyways,went to eastpoint got caught up with feyd and josh cause josh needed to cut hair and he has barber-phobia.grr, and he had a haircut.it was alright la.
*giggles softly.
before that i got so totally lost ohk.i was walking round in bloody circles.i got off the wrong stop and i was wandering like some goondu.and i followed the shitty mrt track just to get to simei,i was sweating like some mad dog.arrggh.
okay and i got this cappucino starbucks thingy from cheers thanks to josh who treated us.yippeedeedoodah.and it rained superheavily for 30seconds and we were stuck at the bus 12 home.
I want to study seriously but just way too lazy.HAHA.

i just dont know whats happening but
i just want you to know that I'll always be here for
you.
and now We're falling apart like dominoes
and i just hate the way
things are turning out.

and we both go down together and we'd stay there forever just trying to get up.

2008-03-27T17:55:00.006+08:00

delayed HK pics haha.whoops,only get to download em NOW.
but its a few only anyway.such a waste my brother wasnt included.teehee,
(:

2008-03-26T18:25:00.004+08:00

to:Janelle.
hi.read your blog and read it,and reread it.Until i actually cried my heart out.I cant believe it but we have been friends for 63984years and now ...we don't seem to know eachother anymore.
YEAH,perhaps your so fucking mad at that time where i dint tell you that i was going to the SP concert with nadiah.
the truth was that.
1)Patrick won tickets to watch the simple plan stripped.
2)he is suppossed to invite 5friends over with him.
3)its his choice who he wanna invite.
4)i was the last one being picked.
Nadiah was alrdie invited to come along the concert before I did.Perhaps i was the one in the mistake because I dint think about you earlier on.i was just to excited by the fact that I was actually going.I know youre the kind of person that bears grudges real long.Seems like you sort of dislike me somehow.I'm prolly on your grudge list now.
And about the camp issue.maybe i was a little to harsh on what I said to you.somehow I was just pissed at myself for not making you that happy.
well,no comments then.if I've hurt yoou anyhow,Im sorry seriously.I don't want our friendship to go haywire.But being who you are,I hope you could still forgive me.
Goodbye now.

2008-03-26T18:11:00.002+08:00

shit.today is booring.boohoo.S.S is stupid sorry mr suhaimy.but i dont seem to always pay attention to what your teaching.haha.
well,humms.got arrt to finish up and theres chemstry test tmrw.gahh.

gotta go study.yehright.seriously i dont know what to do with my life anymoore,its way too boring.grr.josh wannana cut his hair tmrow.and speaking of which,our shitschool is snipping off fringes if they are not properly pinned up.whaatt crap is that?bummer man.and I so hate that woman vp of ours.she thinks she's all that seizing innocents for haircuts down at the general office.urrgh,whatevvr.be gone.
I just can't wait to graduate out frum stress.yippeee?my hair colour is turning obvious again,dammit.

"be wary of everyone".omg,seriously,im afraid.but i need time?perhaps.
speechday is in a few weeks omg.nervous much.i wonder what our outfits gonna turn out to be.

2008-03-26T08:33:00.002+08:00

uh im so fucking lazy to post but anyway..hungout with joshua on monday.toot! went to macs and speaked crap till three thirty.hoohah.im lazy to get up for school seriously.shit.
grr,and omg there was a talk on sex ed and it was so wth ohk.but it was worth it.
ohk this is a supershort post but ive got nth to braag about yestrdaay except for the fact that we danced our heads off for speech day.oh bullocks.